60 second bathroom catastrophe

Do you think as a mom of 2 small children I can ever go to the bathroom without something TERRIBLE happening?? Well, today proved that is just the case for me. 

I was probably in the bathroom for a maximum of oh, 60 seconds when my baby started to cry by the door. This is a pretty normal thing honestly. She always misses me when I go in another room. So I quickly walked out to find S sitting by the door. I had given her a cliff bar to snack on, and the hallway she was sitting in was dark, the lights weren't on, so I couldn't see her super well. I saw what I thought was the granola bar on the ground and said, S grab your granola bar and come with me. She stopped crying and did just this. 

I walk out to the living room to find my 2 year old standing on the couch, butt naked (he had a diaper on before I went in the bathroom) saying I went poo poo mommy. Sheer panic struck me. Where was this poop??? I found his diaper on the ground, empty. He jumped down from the couch and that is when I realized his entire rear end was covered in poop, which then smeared all over the couch. 

.... But it gets worse friends. I LOOK OVER AND REALIZE MY BABY ISNT EATING A GRANOLA BAR AND IS IN FACT EATING POOP. GAG, GAGGING, almost throwing up, trying not to pass out. Terrible mom moment, how did I not know that wasn't a brown granola bar I was telling her to pick up???? I screamed. I'm not kidding. Screamed. My neighbors probably thought someone was being murdered. It was smeared all over the hard wood floors, and it was also on my feet. I couldn't wipe those babes down and throw them in the tub quick enough!! I also gagged probably 100 times during all of this. 

Moral of the story is, if you have small children learn how to hold it and never go to the bathroom, or catastrophes might happen, or you might walk out to baby poop smeared all over everything.  Now excuse me while I bleach my entire house AGAIN.

 TA TA